I decided to let myself dream… picture myself where I would be doing something that brought me joy, and also where I would be doing good work. I started looking into different programs – where I could work on my Spanish and/or practice my French - and to work out a timeline. The reality of an imminent change gave me hope, and egged me on. I found out that the WWOOF program existed in France, and I was ecstatic at the thought (room and board on an organic French farm, in exchange for worthwhile honest work in some beautiful place, and participating in cultural exchange with people who are no doubt passionate about what they are doing - while learning the French vocabulary for gardening!)… and thus, my plan began to take shape.
To begin to lighten my load for this leap, I donated my long hair, and got a short (short!) haircut. I decided to do the honest thing, and give plenty of notice at my job, before going on a planned trip - a little over a month before the date I chose to leave. My boss was not so surprised, appreciated the extra notice, and seemed genuinely excited about my plans to travel and get experience working on organic farms, and volunteering in a Spanish-speaking country. So far, so good.
The thing that was still worrying me a little was how I was going to pay for the plane ticket over to Europe. As it happened, my flight to England to visit family was oversold, and by volunteering to delay my departure by one day, I got a voucher for a round-trip ticket anywhere the airline flies directly. It seemed another indication that I was on a good path.
Then, when in England, I learned about a lot of good things happening in the areas of health and sustainability there, too (Green Gym, Natural England, Countryside Recreation Network, to give an idea). It convinced me to add the UK to my WWOOF plans.
Upon my return, I went to a regional conference for international educators, made some contacts, and then (gulp!) left my full-time job. Immediately after that, I met someone who became pretty important to me, who was very encouraging of my plans to travel.
I began the (very long, as it turns out...!) process of getting rid of stuff and trying to get my apartment ready to sell. I won’t bore my readers here with a detailed description of the various things I thought I would do and when – of the various deadlines I gave myself, and things I thought I might be imminently doing…that passed, and/or did not pan out (and left my resources depleted). But rather, will say that the process of getting my apartment pared down to the barest minimum, and making definite plans for my travel, proved more difficult than I had anticipated.
As with many things, I suspect, that are good for us to do, but not as easy as we imagine them – it was a real challenge, that involved looking at more than just my stuff. The whole process involved a bit more loss and heartache than I’d anticipated. We are very conditioned to feel that we need a lot of stuff. To think that it defines who we are – to have a lot of our identity tied up in things we can hold and store. In the end, I had to see it as a way of freeing myself for what will come, that is less tangible, and more life-affirming.
So, I’ve made it through so far, intact and, I think, better for it – and still on track with my exit strategy (in general). I am feeling a bit lighter, too (in all senses of the word). My apartment is on the market, the garden is looking good, it’s a good time of year to be selling… and I have my first adventures planned. I have a backpack, and am going to Costa Rica.
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